D E P R E S S I O N A N T I D O T E S – Week of 15.02.99 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A unique newsletter to support, inspire, inform and encourage anyone who is recovering/recovered from depression. IN THIS ISSUE: 1. Notes from the CoachLittle Mistakes bring Big Opportunities!You have to fail in order to practice being brave." - Mary Tyler Moore* I made a mistake this week that led to lots of very useful insights - and you were all a part of it! After sending the Nepalese mantra to you to "keep you going" I received three emails pointing out that many people considered this type of thing to be spam and one thanking me for sending it. My first response was to feel I had done something wrong so I took steps to put that right (i.e. be good) and apologised. However, part of my assignment from my Coach this week is to drop the judgements about things being good and bad. I was reminded of the cognitive therapy principles I talked about in Depression Antidotes - 14.12.98. So I took a step back and looked a little harder at what was going on. Here are a few of my insights:
* Overgeneralisation Four responses from a list with over 200 members is not a huge response but I focussed on the 3 negative responses and overgeneralised, imagining I'd upset hundreds of you.
* Either/or thinking I decided I'd done a "bad" and "wrong" thing and had made a big mistake by sending the email. However, this newsletter has grown from my action and I have been reminded of an important issue in maintaining my recovery - that of personal integrity (see later). How can that be a big mistake?
* Discounting the Positive When I told a friend about the emails she said "Wow, isn't it wonderful that your readers care enough to write and let you know what they're feeling". Hmm! Thanks Jan, I missed that one.
* Personalisation - taking responsibility for someone else's experience/feelings
This final thought is the most important one for me since the whole situation grew from my feeling responsible for your feelings. I felt "bad" because I hadn't sent out a Depression Antidotes this fortnight. So I took a step that was out of integrity with myself. I was trying to stay in integrity with you and I put that before my own truth. I felt guilty and I let guilt win out over personal integrity. I received the Nepalese mantra on a couple of occasions and decided to send it on to "keep you going". The mistake lay, not in sending something that a few of you considered to be spam but rather in not holding out for my truth - I simply wasn't ready to write another Depression Antidotes. Rather than face that and learn from the discomfort it produced I tried to take a short-cut. One of the most fertile grounds of depression is putting other people's needs before our own - putting our integrity with them before our integrity with self. To remain free from depression we must learn to live our own truth and to practice radical self-care - even, and perhaps, especially when it makes us feel uncomfortable. This week, notice where you put others before yourself and start to change that. Before you can truly give to others you must be in integrity with yourself. Don't worry about making mistakes - just "pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again". 2. Depression Antidote No. 9**Celebrate Your Mistakes**Take some time to look back over your life and revisit things that you interpreted as mistakes. Take a step back, apply the cognitive therapy principles and look for other ways to interpret the experience. What happened as a result of your treating it as a mistake? How could you have seen it differently? What did you learn as a result of the experience? The next time you make a "mistake" celebrate the opportunity to gain some new insights. Take action to remain in integrity with yourself and with your truth. Dr. Edward Bach was an English doctor who, after many years of medical research, decided that his patients couldn't be healthy while in negative emotional states. He developed flower tinctures to rebalance the nervous system and the spirit of the individual. They are non-addictive, though the flowers are preserved in alcohol. Two drops on the tongue or in a glass of water are all that's necessary for a healing effect. You can buy them form Health Food shops, chemists or on the internet. See Bach Flower Remedies for a complete list of remedies and the conditions they treat. 4. Resources**Dealing with Depression - Naturally** by Syd Baumel. A book written by a fellow sufferer of depression. It took ten years to research and is an extensive directory of alternative approaches to treatment. 5. Just for FunCorny Lightbulb JokesHow many builders does it take to change a lightbulb? How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? How many plumbers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many car mechanics does it take to change a lightbulb? How many computer engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? How many civil servants does it take to change a lightbulb?
Have a wonder-filled week Nancy
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