IN THIS ISSUE:
1. Notes from the Coach - "To thine own self be true"
2. Depression Antidote No. 1 - See Your Life as Working, Right Now
3. Alternative Approach - Monitor your Mood Effectively
4. Resources
5. Just for Fun- Life's Little Annoyances: Things That Drive a Sane Person Nuts

1. Notes from the Coach

How much of your life is spent doing things you don't really want to? How much energy do you use trying to be someone you're not? How often do you kid yourself you have no choice? If you've suffered from depression chances are you've answered "a lot" to these questions. A crucial part of recovery is moving to a place where you can answer "very little" or, even better, none!

When I worked as an Occupational Psychologist there was many a morning when I awoke with the thought "I would do anything not to have to go into work today". There were meetings I didn't want to attend, projects I didn't want to do and people I didn't want to face. But I always went.

My youngest memory of similar behaviour was when I was 10 years old. I was a Brownie and I'd been given the honour of being Mary in the Christmas play. It was a big part with many pages of text to learn. I was terrified that I didn't know my lines well enough.

Shortly before the play was to begin I stood off-stage shaking and crying and, again, thinking, "I would do anything not to have to do this". I went on-stage and sat through the whole procedure with my head down, mumbling my words and crying.

This irrational terror has occurred on many occasions, throughout my life. As a child I did not even consider whether or not I had a choice to do or not do these things that terrified me.

As an adult I thought I gave myself a choice but it was always the rational adult part of me that won out. I would still push myself to do things that terrified me. My reasons always made sense and didn't appear to be forceful. It was not so much I told myself I "should" do these things but that I "could" do these things so feeling terrified was silly. Or I'd say to myself "You'll feel so good about yourself when you've done it". "You've done it before you can do it again". "It doesn't make sense to feel this way so get on with it".

What I never left space for was whether or not I actually WANTED to do these things.

I look back over my life and see the number of things I've bullied myself into and I grieve for the small me who was always ignored. And I realise its no wonder I've been so depressed. Who wouldn't be? Spending a lifetime forcing themselves to do and "be" things.

The one message more than any other I'd like to get across in this newsletter is "To thine own self be true". I know you've heard it many times and probably think you're applying it. But I encourage you to look really deeply.
One of the problems with being true to myself or going for what I really want in life, has always been that I've never been sure of who I really am or what I really want.

The good news is that it doesn't matter. You can start exactly where you are with what you know and life will teach you the rest. All it takes is the courage to practice being truly honest.
From big steps, like a change in career, to small steps, like taking the dog for a walk, all you need to do is ask yourself if you truly want to do this. By taking action upon your answers the "true" you will emerge bit by bit, one day at a time.

It's not something that will happen overnight. You have years of conditioning to overcome and at times it will be really challenging and very uncomfortable. But the journey will become one of adventure and truth and the burden of living according to other people's standards will begin to fall away. Life will become a joy, lived your way. It is soooo exciting!

2. Depression Antidote No. 1

Every night, before you fall asleep, list all the things that work in you life right now - the people you appreciate; the things you love to do; your favourite food; what you like about yourself etc. etc. Instead of thinking about what you’d like to change think of what you don’t want to change; what you’d miss; what would make your life less than it is.

3. Alternative Approach

An important aspect of maintaining recovery from depression is to monitor your mood and take action quickly. (See Online Depression Test page for some useful resources). It is much easier to do something at the beginning of feeling down than when you have already fallen into the pit. One way to monitor your mood is to ask the people around you, who know you really well, to tell you (without judgement, of course!) when they notice you are becoming more negative or have less energy that usual. Obviously this must be someone you trust and who is able to put your interests first. A problem with this approach is that our loved-ones often don't notice the early stages of depression, anymore than we do. If you're anything like me you're a master at disguising the early stages.

Another approach is to take a quantifiable measure of your mood such as that offered by The Goldberg Test. (See below). It can be used on a weekly basis to track your moods. It also might be used to show your doctor how your symptoms have changed from one visit to the next. Changes of five or more points are significant.

The 18 items refer to how you have felt and behaved during the past week. For each item, you indicate the extent to which it is true, by ticking the appropriate box.

I think this might be a particularly useful tool when you are coming off medication. If you decide to use it please let me know how you get on so I can report back to readers.

4. Resources

**The Goldberg Test** http://www.cmhc.com/guide/dep2quiz.htm

**http://www.totallyabsurd.com**
A humorous site detailing unusual (to say the least) products that people have taken the trouble to patent in America. The mind boggles!

5. Just for Fun

You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The lift stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you.

Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.

Your tyre gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to take a reading.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil chocolate wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

You forget to turn your alarm clock off at the weekend.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
People behind you on a supermarket queue dash ahead of you to a till just opening up.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and hit your head on the way up.

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Have a wonder-filled week

Nancy

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